The Assessment That Helps You Understand What's Really Happening in Your Relationship
Coach Kumud Tanwar
Founder, Mystik Glow Wellness
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You will need a notepad & pen
Write your scores and answers on paper. Keep your notepad private until both of you have finished. You will compare and discuss your answers together at the end.
Most couples spend months — or even years — focused on one question: "What is wrong with my partner?"
Very few pause to ask: "How might I be contributing to the pain I am experiencing?"
This assessment is designed to help you uncover hidden relationship patterns, communication gaps, emotional wounds, and blind spots that may be affecting your connection. This is not a test of who is right or wrong. It is an opportunity for awareness, understanding, healing, and growth.
Important — Please Read Before You Begin
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Complete this assessment separately from your partner.
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Do not discuss your answers until both of you have finished.
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Answer honestly, not ideally.
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There are no right or wrong answers.
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1
Part One
Relationship Health Score
🙋 Complete this alone
💬Communication
Question 1
I listen to understand my partner rather than listening to defend myself.
Question 2
I allow my partner to express emotions without interrupting, correcting, or dismissing them.
Question 3
I communicate my needs clearly instead of expecting my partner to read my mind.
🤝Trust & Respect
Question 4
My actions make my partner feel emotionally safe and secure.
Question 5
I keep my promises and follow through on commitments.
Question 6
I speak respectfully even when I am upset, frustrated, hurt, or angry.
💞Emotional Connection
Question 7
I regularly make my partner feel appreciated, valued, and important.
Question 8
I intentionally create quality time with my partner.
Question 9
I know what my partner is currently struggling with emotionally.
🪞Accountability
Question 10
I take responsibility for my mistakes without blaming my partner.
Question 11
I apologise sincerely when I realise I have hurt my partner.
Question 12
I actively work on changing behaviours that repeatedly create conflict.
🌹Intimacy & Affection
Question 13
I make an effort to maintain emotional and physical intimacy in our relationship.
Question 14
When my partner makes an effort to connect with me, I notice it and respond warmly — even when the effort is small or imperfect.
💡Self-Awareness
Question 15
If my partner completed this assessment about me, they would likely give me similar scores.
My Total Score
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out of 75
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2
Part Two
What Your Score Reveals
🙋 Complete this alone
65 – 75 Points
Connected & Growing 🌿
Your relationship appears to have a healthy foundation. This does not mean there are no challenges — it means both partners are generally contributing positively to the relationship and maintaining trust, communication, and emotional connection.
What to Focus On
Expressing appreciation more consistently
Continuing open and honest communication
Preventing complacency from taking root
Creating new shared experiences together
50 – 64 Points
Drifting Apart 🌊
Your relationship has strengths, but emotional distance may be growing. Small disappointments, misunderstandings, and unmet expectations may be accumulating beneath the surface.
What's Likely Happening
Less emotional connection than before
Reduced quality time together
Communication becoming more transactional
Feeling taken for granted
What to Focus On
More intentional, deeper conversations
Scheduling regular connection time each week
Rebuilding appreciation and acknowledgement
Discussing unmet needs openly and calmly
35 – 49 Points
Emotionally Disconnected 🌧
Several important relationship needs are not being consistently met. Resentment may be becoming stronger than understanding. You may be spending more time reacting to one another than connecting with one another.
What's Likely Happening
Frequent misunderstandings and recurring arguments
Feeling unheard and unseen by your partner
Increased criticism and defensiveness
Emotional withdrawal from one or both partners
What to Focus On
Honest conversations without defensiveness
Practising active and non-judgmental listening
Taking personal accountability for your role
Rebuilding emotional safety one interaction at a time
15 – 34 Points
Relationship at Risk ⚠️
Your relationship may be experiencing significant emotional distress. One or both partners may be feeling deeply unheard, unappreciated, lonely within the relationship, emotionally abandoned, or carrying deep resentment.
What to Focus On
Immediate and honest intervention — do not wait
Committing to open communication without blame
Seeking professional relationship support
Rebuilding trust and emotional safety from the ground up
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3
Part Three
The Mirror Questions
🙋 Complete this alone
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These questions are intentionally uncomfortable. There are no scores. Only honesty. These questions reveal what numbers cannot. Write your answers privately on your notepad.
16. Mirror Question 1
What complaint do you repeatedly have about your partner that, if you are completely honest, you may also be guilty of yourself?
17. Mirror Question 2
If your partner described the pain they experience in this relationship to a close friend, what would they say you do that hurts them the most?
18. Mirror Question 3
What emotional need of your partner have you knowingly or unknowingly neglected during the past year?
19. Mirror Question 4
What have you been expecting your partner to change while avoiding making changes yourself?
20. Mirror Question 5
If your relationship ended tomorrow, what would you regret not saying, doing, appreciating, forgiving, changing, or understanding while you still had the chance?
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4
Part Four
Relationship Blind Spot Check
👫 Complete this together
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Both partners have finished? Now come together.
Compare your answers from Parts 1–3. Use this section to explore what the differences reveal about your relationship.
Which three question numbers had the biggest difference in your scores? Write them below.
Question
Question
Question
What might these differences reveal? Select all that apply.
Different expectations
Different perceptions of reality
Communication gaps
Unmet emotional needs
Hidden resentment
Emotional blind spots
Other:
Biggest Insight — What surprised you most about your partner's answers?
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5
Part Five
Final Self-Reflection
🙋 Complete this alone
The most uncomfortable truth I discovered about myself is:
The biggest need my partner may have that I have overlooked is:
One behaviour I am committed to changing immediately is:
One conversation I have been avoiding but need to have is:
One thing I appreciate about my partner that I have not expressed recently is:
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A Message From Your Coach
Relationships rarely break because of one big event.
Most relationships slowly weaken through hundreds of small moments — feeling unheard, feeling unseen, feeling criticised, feeling unappreciated, feeling emotionally abandoned.
The good news is that healing often begins the same way.
Through small moments. One honest conversation. One sincere apology. One act of appreciation. One decision to listen instead of defend. One choice to understand instead of blame.
The purpose of this assessment is not to determine who is wrong. The purpose is to create awareness. Because awareness creates understanding. Understanding creates change. And change creates healing.
"Relationships improve when awareness grows."
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Need Support?
Book a Relationship Clarity Session
If answering these questions brought up difficult emotions, confusion, or important realisations — you do not have to navigate this alone. Professional guidance can help you move from awareness to lasting change.
